How to Recover From a Traumatic Birth Experience

These days there is a lot of emphasis put on the birth experience. Many first time moms painstaking plan every detail of the birth of their child without knowing that there can be many  twists and turns along the way. Most of us hold onto the idea that if we do the right things, things will turn out the way we planned. But life certainly has a way of showing us otherwise.

Many women I work with in my practice deal with deep feelings of disappointment, sadness and shame after they give birth. Sometimes it’s an unplanned C-section, induction or a lot of medical interventions you weren’t expecting. The pain of things not going as planned is real and can be lasting.

Sadness and shame often accompany experiences that leave us feeling out of control. We wish things had gone differently and we blame ourselves. Shame happens when we have negative feelings about who we are and feel inadequate in some way. Because of all of the anticipation and emphasis around having a “good birth”, when it doesn’t go as planned, shame often follows.

Thankfully, there are several ways to heal from your disappointing or traumatic birth experience. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed when you talk about giving birth or if you find hearing other people’s birth story hard to listen to, you may need to seek help.

Here are some ways to heal and move forward:

1. If you are able, share your story with a few close friends. Slowing yourself down and telling your story can take you out of your reactive mind. Notice physical feelings as they arise.
2. Remember not to label your feelings as “bad” or “good”.
3. Write down what you experienced. Often the process of getting a story out on paper can be part of symbolically releasing it.
4. Part of the healing journey involves forgiving yourself. Understand that you did what you were capable of at the time and   that things changing in a disappointing way was most likely out of your control.
5. Finding a therapist is beneficial for many women to both integrate the experience into their lives and forgive themselves.        Sometimes a professional with training and expertise in perinatal psychology is needed. 
6. Most women experience grief after a difficult birth that did not go as expected. Learn about the stages grief and how it           works. Understanding this can give you a framework to name your experience and know that these feelings usually lessen   with time.
7. Channel some of your anger into physical activity, scream into a pillow, whatever helps the energy move through                    your body. So often, trauma sits in the body if left unprocessed. 
8. Lastly, turning your experience into something meaningful and transformative is the final stage of healing. Being an              advocate and sharing your story is one way of doing this.